30 de maio de 2009

A DOR QUE DÓI MAIS

Trancar o dedo numa porta dói. Bater com o queixo no chão dói. Torcer o tornozelo dói. Um tapa, um soco, um pontapé, dóem. Dói bater a cabeça na quina da mesa, dói morder a língua, dói cólica, cárie e pedra no rim. Mas o que mais dói é saudade.
Saudade de um irmão que mora longe. Saudade de uma cachoeira da infância. Saudade do gosto de uma fruta que não se encontra mais. Saudade do pai que já morreu. Saudade de um amigo imaginário que nunca existiu. Saudade de uma cidade. Saudade da gente mesmo, quando se tinha mais audácia e menos cabelos brancos. Dóem essas saudades todas.
Mas a saudade mais dolorida é a saudade de quem se ama. Saudade da pele, do cheiro, dos beijos. Saudade da presença, e até da ausência consentida. Você podia ficar na sala e ele no quarto, sem se verem, mas sabiam-se lá. Você podia ir para o aeroporto e ele para o dentista, mas sabiam-se onde. Você podia ficar o dia sem vê-lo, ele o dia sem vê-la, mas sabiam-se amanhã. Mas quando o amor de um acaba, ao outro sobra uma saudade que ninguém sabe como deter.

Saudade é não saber. Não saber mais se ele continua se gripando no inverno. Não saber mais se ela continua clareando o cabelo. Não saber se ele ainda usa a camisa que você deu. Não saber se ela foi na consulta com o dermatologista como prometeu. Não saber se ele tem comido frango de padaria, se ela tem assistido as aulas de inglês, se ele aprendeu a entrar na Internet, se ela aprendeu a estacionar entre dois carros, se ele continua fumando Carlton, se ela continua preferindo Pepsi, se ele continua sorrindo, se ela continua dançando, se ele continua pescando, se ela continua lhe amando.

Saudade é não saber. Não saber o que fazer com os dias que ficaram mais compridos, não saber como encontrar tarefas que lhe cessem o pensamento, não saber como frear as lágrimas diante de uma música, não saber como vencer a dor de um silêncio que nada preenche.

Saudade é não querer saber. Não querer saber se ele está com outra, se ela está feliz, se ele está mais magro, se ela está mais bela. Saudade é nunca mais querer saber de quem se ama, e ainda assim, doer.

Martha Medeiros

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  1. É ESSA SAUDADE QUE TENHO SENTIDO! NUNCA PENSEI QUE ALGUÉM FOSSE TÃO EXATO AO DESCREVER UM SENTIMENTO.

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  2. Saudade? Saudade... Saudade... Só os poetas é que sentem saudade. Saudade é o ego ferido. E saudade não lastima apenas lamenta. Saudade? Saudade... Saudade... Eu não sinto saudade. Nunca!

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  3. É sem dúvida saudade é uma dor que dói demais.Mas últimamente tenho sentido uma saudade que pensei ser impossível de sentir.Saudade do meu futuro.
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  4. lInDo,LiNdO,LIndO,lInDo.......

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  5. Muito legal é imaginar como é sentir saudade do futuro. Só você Laura para fazer tamanha abstração. Valeu...

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  6. Terrivelmente sacana, saudade é uma dor de cotovelo chique.

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  7. SABE QUE É MESMO, JOATAN? HOJE EU SÓ QUERIA SER BREGA PARA NÃO SENTIR ISSO.

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